Have you ever met a Serb?
You know how we always tell stories about fearless Serbs, about how we kicked out all invaders throughout history, how we fearlessly won many many gold medals in many sports despite the fact that we are a very small country etc? Or stories about Serbia being the safest place on the planet…
Well, all these stories are true (seriously, they are), but apart from being so perfect, we actually do have a weak point – we trust our grandma’s unconditionally!
– “Grandma’s!?”, you ask…
Hell yeah! And let me tell you something – Serbian grandma’s are evil! They know that we are born to be perfect, but they feel kinda sorry for the rest of the world not having a chance against us, so they used every minute spent with us in the childhood educating us 2 things:
1. Trust your grandma’ unconditionally, for grandmas are keepers of eternal wisdom!
2. Modern science sucks. Grandmas know better!
Now, once properly raised and educated, you get an injection of fear towards the most stupid things ever! And we are educated so well that we tend to spread this “wisdom” as far as our circle of influence is stretching. That means that if you are coming to Serbia, don’t listed to CNN or Foreign Office when they tell you to bring a helmet – nope, we are no threat in that sense at all!
But do prepare to die! Say goodbyes to your friends and family, return your debts, do whatever you want to do before you die, cause Serbia is dangerous!
And here’s why:
One foreigner living in Serbia is apparently still alive but about to die very soon… And she is blogging about it…
Before coming here I spent a decent amount of energy convincing people that Serbia is a place where I will be quite safe. A lot of what people in the US know about the region relates to the wars, so when they hear names like Bosnia and Belgrade, they get nervous. Over and over again I explained that I would be safe, I knew what I was getting into, and that I almost certainly would not die.
I am sorry to say I have to take back those comments. It turns out I probably WILL die this year, and according to some Serbs, it’s a wonder I haven’t already. The following is a BRIEF list of all the things that Serbians are sure will kill me and/or cause me to be infertile (which seems to be a major concern over here):
If I go outside with wet hair, I will die.
If I stand or- God forbid- sleep in a drafty place, I will die.
If I use the AC too much, I will die.
If I drink too many cold drinks, I will die.
If I sit on cold concrete, my ovaries will freeze and I will become infertile (this is my favorite!)
If I walk around without shoes or socks on inside, I will become infertile, and then die.
If I let a wet bathing suit dry on my body, I will get a UTI, become infertile, and then die.
If I swim in a cold lake I will get a UTI, become infertile, and die.
Read the rest of the text at Maggie’s blog.
Now you all know… I revealed the biggest secret of them all, and I did it publicly…
If you don’t see me online these days, that probably means that I was either arrested by the government security agency or that grandmas got me!